No longer a slave to fear...

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." 1 John 4:18

I've always been afraid of something. Afraid of people, afraid of isolation. Afraid of failure, afraid of success. Afraid of airplanes, crowds, cars, big cities. Afraid that I'll repeat the mistakes of former generations. Afraid of embarrassment and rejection. 

So I overcompensate. I do everything in my power to make everyone like me. I never expect success - thus in my mind I never fail. I travel to crowded cities in airplanes and cars.  I brush aside embarrassment and ignore rejection.

Now there is a certain comfort knowing that just about everybody on God's green earth shares my fears. Ok, maybe not all my fears - most don't hyperventilate when an airplane flies overhead - but every one of us to an extent is afraid of something! And it's ok! God did give us a healthy fear of danger - and our emotional fears when kept in check, can help us become better people. But there is a point where fear consumes everything we do. And the more we dwell on that fear, the more we let it drive what we do and how we act, the further we fall into that fear. I read a statistic recently that 350 million people around the world are currently diagnosed with depression. I have no doubt that that's correct - we have become a society enslaved to fear.

Fear is crippling.  It has kept me from moving forward in life. It has kept me from obeying the voice of God. It has made me believe that God can't be pleased with me and my decisions, and would never want to use me. 

Paul talked about this in Romans - in a society that measured the righteousness of man, he preached that our favor with God is completely unmerited. That there is power in Christ to break every chain we've allowed ourselves to become entangled in. That we are now children of God, and we have no reason to be afraid!

      "For you did not receive the spirit of slavery
       to fall back into fear, but you have received
       the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we 
       cry, “Abba! Father!” Romans 8:15

I'm no longer a slave to fear. I'm no longer afraid of the future, no longer afraid of my past. I'm resting in the perfect love of Christ that casts out all fear, and I'm no longer afraid that His perfect love is conditional. I'm a child of God.

So far this year...

Sooo... It's been like forever since I posted anything on here! I will attempt to briefly recap the past few months - although nothing really has been going on:). In January I turned 25 - which I had been somewhat dreading for whatever reason! I think at some level I've still been hanging on to childhood, or at least attempting to. But I suppose when teenagers call you "Ms. Jessica", older people call you "Sister Jessica", and everyone answers your questions with "yes maam", it's time to start acting like an adult! Paul makes it sound so easy when he said that after becoming an adult he "put childish ways behind". I suppose I'm more mature than I was five years ago... Anyway!



I've started taking care of two children, a nine year old girl and a six year old boy, in the evenings while their mother attends night school. I get to "experience" picking children up from school and helping with homework that isn't graded by my mother! The past few days I've brought the fiddle, telling the kids they can play it when their homework is done. The six year old wrote a song he entitled "The Theme" in which he plays the open D and A strings as fast and as hard as he can. He practiced it for over an hour Monday. ...I'm also experiencing "patience strengthening", ...and a slight headache:) All in all though - I'm really loving it!!!



So, between that and cleaning houses throughout the day, I'm almost never at home it seems! Take today for instance, I left about 8am, and I won't get back till about 10:30 pm. Part of me kind of misses being around family all the time!


Our family has been doing a service at a Christian Drug Rehab twice a month. I have to admit that at first I really did not want to go. In fact I'm a ashamed to say that I kind of reverted to those "childish ways" a little, and whined about it. I felt it was too far of a drive, I was really tired, and I didn't really feel like "leading worship" to a bunch of guys who would rather be somewhere else. But after I got over my little pity party, I was really amazed. God is really working in the lives of those men, and it's pretty neat to see how even their faces become less hardened every couple weeks. Their stories are incredible, and have helped us to realize even more how blessed we were to grow up in a Christian home.
Anyway... that's about it!                 

 Blessings... Jessica

Bible School Highlights

This past week Samuel, Hannah and I attended a  week long Bible School in Pennsylvania. (Yes I know, it's a crazy long waze away)! Harmony Bible School is very conservative, they consider themselves Anabaptist - although not belonging to a particular denomination; Mennonite, Amish, Brethren etc. It's one place where our family would most certainly not be considered Amish. (Long story short, there's a lady here in Chickasaw who every time she sees one of us asks how our Amish family is doing - but then she also calls us the Michael Landon family...) ...Anyway, there were many great messages, we connected with Godly friends, and although it did not stay on the ground, we saw some snow!!!

One sermon that struck me in particular was given Wednesday night by Carl Schwartzentruber. He pointed out that God is love, and the opposite of love is selfishness. He said that every ambition we have, every action we take is driven by one or the other. This got me to thinking; what is it that motivates me the most? Do my dreams and goals come from a deep love for God and others - or does selfish ambition permeate even my best intentions? I don't necessarily know the answer to that.

So as I am looking through my notes, trying to muddle through the bad penmanship and spelling, these are some questions and various quotes that stood out to me from last week...

#1. Am I chasing dreams or desires that have no eternal impact?

#2. Regeneration is from the inside out, generation something we try act out ourselves. Am I grounded as a Christian in my heart, or do I simply know how to behave as one? (Yes I know know for sure that I'm saved - still it's a good question to ask.)

#3. Unless your treasure is right, your spirit will not be shaped. Where is my treasure?

#4. Save you live with clarity, you will be known by the lowest common denominator around you.

#5. Your deeds will be remembered; not your plans.

#6. Is whatever I am doing helping, or hindering me from winning the prize? Throw aside every weight.

#7. Consistency is of greater value than a few great acts.

#8. At the end of the day, the deeds you have done are either steady, or they waiver and have no impact.

#9. Grace is the power to do what is right.

#10. Light and darkness are incompatible, and darkness has no power over light!

There was plenty more, but to be quite honest - some of the things I wrote down, I have no idea the thought process behind the scrawling!

Dear Jesus, thank- you for this past week. I ask that you would guide my steps, and keep my heart close to Yours. Love your daughter - Jessica

My prayer group. Some great friends I made while up there! (I'm back row, second from left.)

Pictures 2014

Thought I'd post some pics we took this year...

Hannah and Samuel

Myself

Matthew with my Mom 

My handsome beardless banjo-pickin Daddy!

Singing - Labor Day

Matthew Studying Hard!

January- in Michigan

 First time at Cracker Barrel... Opelika AL

 Going to Hope has a Name with Ruth Grahm

Passover at Kirchhevel's

New Creature

Therefore if any man be in Christ he is a new creature...

These words have been rolling around in my head a bit lately. Maybe it's because I've been trying to change so much recently; trying to become an early riser, trying to hold my tongue a little bit better, trying to be more active, trying to lose weight, trying to spend more time in prayer, trying to keep my house a bit cleaner... simply trying to change myself into the woman I have always wanted to become. I have noticed that I have changed a little bit. After 3 months of waking at 4:30, I feel like I'm sleeping in at 6:00! I am a little more active than I used to be, and I have lost 30 lbs. in the past 2 months. But even though I am trying really hard, I still find myself speaking my mind when I should be quiet. My mind still wanders during prayer time. There are dishes in the sink right now...

Old habits die hard. Changing the way you live is a daily struggle - changing who you are is impossible without divine intervention. And sometimes it's hard to understand why we Christians still battle the old man. He is supposed to be dead! How is it that a dead person still controls aspects of our life?

Maybe it's like this... If I were in a very close relationship with someone who died, that person would still be constantly in my thoughts. Everything I do would be affected. Even if I did not particularly like that person - if I was not sorry to see them go - my life on any given day would still be dictated by their memory. I was not merely in a close relationship with my sinful nature, that is who I was for 14 years!

So then, I know that God is still working on me... and instead of worrying that I'm not where I want to be, I should be focused on who I am in Christ. I am a new creature, the old has passed away. Praise God I don't have to be controlled by a dead man!

And I'll still keep on trying to change some old some old habits. Maybe I should go wash the dishes...

Dear Lord,
Thank-you so much for killing my sinful nature, I ask that You would make me who You want me to be. Help me to let go of the old man. Love your daughter... Jessica

^" Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV)

Looking to the hills...

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

(Psalm 121:1)

So it's a "normal" day... Normal being defined as crazy, mixed up, and slightly hectic! Life in general can be that way; and our house is certainly no exception. Every day brings a new challenging situation that can throw everything out of whack! To give a recent example - Samuel, Hannah and I are scheduled to be the speakers at a three night youth revival that starts tonight. Now Samuel preaches all the time. Hannah has spoken at several church services, youth revivals, and a women's meeting. I on the other hand... The very thought of talking in front of anyone makes my stomach flip. Thankfully I know these kids really well!

Now I've been thinking about a verse that I sometimes quote to myself on these "normal" days. Psalm 121: 1-3 says "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help? My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth." (Now often times when I had read this verse before, I read it like - "I will look to the hills where my help comes from; my help comes from the Lord." - Like God and the hills were the same thing!) 


Imagine with me that you are King David. You're fighting in a battle that is not going as well as planned. Now your enemies strength is in their horses and chariots, you... not so much. You are great with a slingshot and sword, but somehow your enemy has lured you out of the hills where you can use these skills to your advantage. Now you find yourself on the plains, and the enemy chariots are mowing your men down. You look up, and see the hills that you have so relied on in the past, knowing that there is nothing they can do to help you now. You've always known that the battle is the Lord's, and that only he can determine it's outcome, and right now it seems like the only thing that can help you is divine intervention. But then, come to think of it, that is the best help you can get - hills or no.

Many times I have looked to the "hills"; those wonderful constants in my life that I rely on. My parents, siblings, and godly friends are wonderful when I need them - but in some ways I have put a false security in them. Only God has exactly what I need! Take my present situation; there really is no way that I can lean on anyone else - even my sister who thinks my thoughts can't really help me. My help comes from the Lord! And when I think about it, that's the best help I can get!

May you find your help in Jesus... Jessica.

Scrabcheat!

How I win scrabble every time…  just make up random words and give them a decent definition!

Innovatious vb. One who has  innovation.  She is the most innovatios  person I know.

Bemind noun.  The cranial region in the back of the brain.  When I was in that accident I cracked my bemind.

Antarctichoke noun.  A vegetable grown in Antarctica. The team of scientist spent the summer growing antartictchockes.

Cameograph noun. A picture taken at a perfect moment. That wedding photo was a cameograph.

Gradiot noun. One step ahead of an idiot.  He is a complete gradiot.

Tronogothon  A long track run over a computer grid.  After the marathon I will compete in the tronogothon.

Bugnin noun. A flower of the arcadia family. Her arms were full of bugnin blossoms.

Frin noun, An albino frog that lives indoors. The frin reacted violently to the sunlight.

Pline noun. A type of wood native to the south pacific. Three shipments of pline were delivered.

Scrabcheat noun. One who cheats at scabble.  She is a complete scrabcheat, she just makes up the words and hides the dictionary.

I think I'm done (for now) with my complete and total randomness...

Jessica-Needsherheadscrewedonbetter- McCray