Bible School Highlights

This past week Samuel, Hannah and I attended a  week long Bible School in Pennsylvania. (Yes I know, it's a crazy long waze away)! Harmony Bible School is very conservative, they consider themselves Anabaptist - although not belonging to a particular denomination; Mennonite, Amish, Brethren etc. It's one place where our family would most certainly not be considered Amish. (Long story short, there's a lady here in Chickasaw who every time she sees one of us asks how our Amish family is doing - but then she also calls us the Michael Landon family...) ...Anyway, there were many great messages, we connected with Godly friends, and although it did not stay on the ground, we saw some snow!!!

One sermon that struck me in particular was given Wednesday night by Carl Schwartzentruber. He pointed out that God is love, and the opposite of love is selfishness. He said that every ambition we have, every action we take is driven by one or the other. This got me to thinking; what is it that motivates me the most? Do my dreams and goals come from a deep love for God and others - or does selfish ambition permeate even my best intentions? I don't necessarily know the answer to that.

So as I am looking through my notes, trying to muddle through the bad penmanship and spelling, these are some questions and various quotes that stood out to me from last week...

#1. Am I chasing dreams or desires that have no eternal impact?

#2. Regeneration is from the inside out, generation something we try act out ourselves. Am I grounded as a Christian in my heart, or do I simply know how to behave as one? (Yes I know know for sure that I'm saved - still it's a good question to ask.)

#3. Unless your treasure is right, your spirit will not be shaped. Where is my treasure?

#4. Save you live with clarity, you will be known by the lowest common denominator around you.

#5. Your deeds will be remembered; not your plans.

#6. Is whatever I am doing helping, or hindering me from winning the prize? Throw aside every weight.

#7. Consistency is of greater value than a few great acts.

#8. At the end of the day, the deeds you have done are either steady, or they waiver and have no impact.

#9. Grace is the power to do what is right.

#10. Light and darkness are incompatible, and darkness has no power over light!

There was plenty more, but to be quite honest - some of the things I wrote down, I have no idea the thought process behind the scrawling!

Dear Jesus, thank- you for this past week. I ask that you would guide my steps, and keep my heart close to Yours. Love your daughter - Jessica

My prayer group. Some great friends I made while up there! (I'm back row, second from left.)

Pictures 2014

Thought I'd post some pics we took this year...

Hannah and Samuel

Myself

Matthew with my Mom 

My handsome beardless banjo-pickin Daddy!

Singing - Labor Day

Matthew Studying Hard!

January- in Michigan

 First time at Cracker Barrel... Opelika AL

 Going to Hope has a Name with Ruth Grahm

Passover at Kirchhevel's

New Creature

Therefore if any man be in Christ he is a new creature...

These words have been rolling around in my head a bit lately. Maybe it's because I've been trying to change so much recently; trying to become an early riser, trying to hold my tongue a little bit better, trying to be more active, trying to lose weight, trying to spend more time in prayer, trying to keep my house a bit cleaner... simply trying to change myself into the woman I have always wanted to become. I have noticed that I have changed a little bit. After 3 months of waking at 4:30, I feel like I'm sleeping in at 6:00! I am a little more active than I used to be, and I have lost 30 lbs. in the past 2 months. But even though I am trying really hard, I still find myself speaking my mind when I should be quiet. My mind still wanders during prayer time. There are dishes in the sink right now...

Old habits die hard. Changing the way you live is a daily struggle - changing who you are is impossible without divine intervention. And sometimes it's hard to understand why we Christians still battle the old man. He is supposed to be dead! How is it that a dead person still controls aspects of our life?

Maybe it's like this... If I were in a very close relationship with someone who died, that person would still be constantly in my thoughts. Everything I do would be affected. Even if I did not particularly like that person - if I was not sorry to see them go - my life on any given day would still be dictated by their memory. I was not merely in a close relationship with my sinful nature, that is who I was for 14 years!

So then, I know that God is still working on me... and instead of worrying that I'm not where I want to be, I should be focused on who I am in Christ. I am a new creature, the old has passed away. Praise God I don't have to be controlled by a dead man!

And I'll still keep on trying to change some old some old habits. Maybe I should go wash the dishes...

Dear Lord,
Thank-you so much for killing my sinful nature, I ask that You would make me who You want me to be. Help me to let go of the old man. Love your daughter... Jessica

^" Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV)

Looking to the hills...

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

(Psalm 121:1)

So it's a "normal" day... Normal being defined as crazy, mixed up, and slightly hectic! Life in general can be that way; and our house is certainly no exception. Every day brings a new challenging situation that can throw everything out of whack! To give a recent example - Samuel, Hannah and I are scheduled to be the speakers at a three night youth revival that starts tonight. Now Samuel preaches all the time. Hannah has spoken at several church services, youth revivals, and a women's meeting. I on the other hand... The very thought of talking in front of anyone makes my stomach flip. Thankfully I know these kids really well!

Now I've been thinking about a verse that I sometimes quote to myself on these "normal" days. Psalm 121: 1-3 says "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help? My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth." (Now often times when I had read this verse before, I read it like - "I will look to the hills where my help comes from; my help comes from the Lord." - Like God and the hills were the same thing!) 


Imagine with me that you are King David. You're fighting in a battle that is not going as well as planned. Now your enemies strength is in their horses and chariots, you... not so much. You are great with a slingshot and sword, but somehow your enemy has lured you out of the hills where you can use these skills to your advantage. Now you find yourself on the plains, and the enemy chariots are mowing your men down. You look up, and see the hills that you have so relied on in the past, knowing that there is nothing they can do to help you now. You've always known that the battle is the Lord's, and that only he can determine it's outcome, and right now it seems like the only thing that can help you is divine intervention. But then, come to think of it, that is the best help you can get - hills or no.

Many times I have looked to the "hills"; those wonderful constants in my life that I rely on. My parents, siblings, and godly friends are wonderful when I need them - but in some ways I have put a false security in them. Only God has exactly what I need! Take my present situation; there really is no way that I can lean on anyone else - even my sister who thinks my thoughts can't really help me. My help comes from the Lord! And when I think about it, that's the best help I can get!

May you find your help in Jesus... Jessica.

Scrabcheat!

How I win scrabble every time…  just make up random words and give them a decent definition!

Innovatious vb. One who has  innovation.  She is the most innovatios  person I know.

Bemind noun.  The cranial region in the back of the brain.  When I was in that accident I cracked my bemind.

Antarctichoke noun.  A vegetable grown in Antarctica. The team of scientist spent the summer growing antartictchockes.

Cameograph noun. A picture taken at a perfect moment. That wedding photo was a cameograph.

Gradiot noun. One step ahead of an idiot.  He is a complete gradiot.

Tronogothon  A long track run over a computer grid.  After the marathon I will compete in the tronogothon.

Bugnin noun. A flower of the arcadia family. Her arms were full of bugnin blossoms.

Frin noun, An albino frog that lives indoors. The frin reacted violently to the sunlight.

Pline noun. A type of wood native to the south pacific. Three shipments of pline were delivered.

Scrabcheat noun. One who cheats at scabble.  She is a complete scrabcheat, she just makes up the words and hides the dictionary.

I think I'm done (for now) with my complete and total randomness...

Jessica-Needsherheadscrewedonbetter- McCray

Life

It has been a long day....

Samuel, my twenty year old brother, woke me up in the wee hours of the morning to let me know that my grandma had to be rushed into emergency surgery - again. It had been nearly two weeks since she had miraculously beat the odds through a procedure we were told she had a one percent chance of surviving. We had taken turns staying with her over the past week, and it looked like she was going to be just fine. But then late last night, her intestines shut down. We were told that medically speaking; she has no chance of surviving this. We were told she has at most one to three days.

So right now I am sitting with my grandma through the night. I am listening to her shallow breathing, the occasional moan, and "I love you guys" mumbled at times. I was listening to the phone conversation with her brother, when she told him that she would tell their parents and his wife hello from him. I heard him say that "this is not goodbye - it's see you later." I saw her hug her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren; telling them to please go ahead and squeeze her tight - although it had to have hurt. Before she drifted off to sleep she said there were no regrets, she has lived a full life, and although she was not planning on it - she is ready to go.

We know that life is in the hands of God. Our beginning is a miraculous event - and our end is simply another beginning. For the one who has trusted Jesus with their life - there is no fear when it ends; knowing that our time is set by God. So we pray for peace, we pray for a miracle, we pray for God's will to be done.

Life is a gift. Right now every hour, every minute I have with my grandma is very special, every word she speaks important. She told me a little while ago that we have to treasure this time together, and I realized that I have not truly cherished the special relationship I have in her. My resolution is to  treasure the family God gave me; to cherish the gift of life.

I don't know how this story will end - God may perform a miracle and let my grandma stay with us a while longer. And if she goes to heaven; her miracle of life will continue. All I know to do is live the life God gave me, so that I have no regrets - and although I would not plan on it - to be ready to go. To fight for and cherish the lives around me. To be grateful every day for the gift of life.

Dear Jesus, I thank you for giving us life. I pray that I would not take it for-granted. Thank-you that you paid for our eternal life. I ask for Your peace, I ask for a miracle, I ask that Your will be done. Thank you for loving my loved ones more than I ever could. Love Your daughter - Jessica.

Update: My Grandma passed later on the next day after I wrote this. Before she was unable to talk anymore, she told me that she was not afraid at all... that she trusted in God to take her home.

See you later Grandma.

Waiting...

"Come-on you guys, we've gotta go!" I called out to the back of the house, "We are going to be late!"

It was Wednesday evening, and we were running late for church - a scene that is regularly played out in the McCray household. It never seems to fail; even though we may start getting ready in plenty of time, come quarter to seven we're still at home.

"Y'all I'm not kidding!" My frustration level and my voice had raised a little. A chorus of "I'm coming Jessica, just chill" only added to my frustration. Finally, come about seven, we all pile in the van: save the lone straggler that cannot find his shoes. I walk back into the house and yell... "GET OUT HERE NOW"!

Ok, to be completely honest, patience is a character quality that I really need to work on. I really do not like waiting - on anything! (Like really - like I hate waiting on microwaves). It seems like time is passing ever so quickly, and I am not accomplishing a thing, I'm just waiting.

And then, of course, I see the wall art with the catch phrase "Wait on the Lord". And maybe a part of me groans. Of course I have been waiting on God. I mean I don't have a "career, college education, boyfriend / husband", and I'm still living at home because I have been waiting for direction... right? (Thankfully this part of me does not rise up very much anymore; I mean I enjoy cleaning houses, my mom saw to it that I was just as educated as many college grads, and having a husband would mean that I would have to leave my home and my family - whom I love a whole lot!)

Waiting is not sitting back and letting life pass you by; and although it is not rushing headlong into every possible opportunity, it is also allowing Godly opportunities to have a place in your life. Waiting is where God molds your character. Waiting is not becoming discontented with your present circumstances, but rather it allows God to use the place that you are in to bring about His will in your life.

So even though I know all of this - I know the right words to say - why do I still struggle sometimes with knowing the will of God for me? Why do I at times question  the direction that I am going? I have been realizing that much of my "waiting" is simply my being afraid of change.

So maybe I need to change the reason I am waiting, or I need to learn how to wait... Maybe while I'm waiting, I need to become a student of Christ, so that if He calls me to something different I will be well equipped to face the challenge. And in the everyday sort of scenario - like the one mentioned at the beginning of this article - maybe I should look for practical ways to help; and leave the rounding up to my parents. #1. They are in charge, not me. #2. Their voices are much louder than mine!

Lord Jesus I thank you that you are in control of my life. I ask that you would teach me how to wait. I love you so much. From your daughter, Jessica.